It’s a Friday night at Stevie Ray’s Comedy Cabaret.  I arrive around 6:40.  Brett Williams is asleep on the couch, and Heather Gerard-Peabody is in her dressing room.  I’m tired, so I sit in the chair across from Brett, making progressively louder noises to wake him up.  The rest of the troupe trickles in.  We’re all in street clothes and we’re relaxed, or stressed, or insecure or however the week has delivered us this Friday at 7 p.m.

By 8 p.m. we are ready to invent 2 hours of brand new comedy.  We’re dressed, we’re focused, and we’re ready for whatever the audience throws at us.  Improv is one of the few things that requires ALL of your attention.  If you’re worrying about something at work, or whether you need a new transmission in your car, you are not ready to do improv. 

In that one hour before the show, we put down our burdens, put on our game face, and redirect our focus to each other.  We’re not practicing jokes, we are listening, watching and concentrating.   We are connecting with each other and directing our focus to the here and now, where we will create imaginary worlds that exist only to the extent that we make them exist. 

During the show, we’re not worrying about whether the audience likes us, we’re focused on what we’re doing on stage.   If something goes wrong, it’s not really wrong, it’s just something to build on.  When it comes right down to it, our job is to play with each other and with the suggestions from the audience.  Whatever happens, we just keep playing.  Performing good improv takes focus and practice, but more than anything else, it’s a lot of fun.      

When the show is over, I greet our audience and I hear it over and over: “That was so much fun!” My response is invariably “Yes it was."

When you were a kid, making new friends wasn’t too difficult. There was school, sports, your neighborhood, church, and plenty of extracurricular activities where you met other kids and formed relationships. Heck, sometimes all you would do is ask, “Wanna be my friend?” Sure!

It was pretty easy back then. 

Into adulthood, however, developing new friendships isn’t so easy anymore. Not only are we more busy, but we have become more cautious and more guarded. Maybe even jaded. Adults rarely open themselves up with one another, we can become closed off, and we are quick to put on the I’m-fine-how-are-you face.

Enter: Improv Classes. (thanks to a perfect “call on,” a classic third party entrance)

After three years of Stevie Ray’s improv comedy classes, I’ve noticed something interesting. I genuinely like these people. And to think, we all came alone, we represent different backgrounds and we all joined the class for different reasons.

Every Wednesday night as I walk into my improv comedy class, I hear more than laughter. There is more than “yes ands” and “185 plumbers.” There is also friendship. Not a class goes by that I’m not greeted warmly, included immediately, and honestly asked how I’m doing. 

Why is this? Because improv requires vulnerability.

Take it from a guy much smarter than I.

To “deepen relationships,” Robert Epstein, a psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology says, “You must be willing to be open yourself up.”

"Vulnerability is the key to emotional bonding, without which, relationships tend to feel superficial and meaningless," says Epstein.

He goes on to share, "Put yourself in situations in which you and potential friends will feel vulnerable, because such situations make people feel needy and provide occasions for other people to provide comfort or support.”

Sound familiar?

Stepping on stage to do improv comedy demands vulnerability, openness, support, and others who know your strengths and weaknesses. Essentially, a zero to 60 course in developing friendships. 

Participating in improv comedy has plenty of benefits. But beyond improving our professional lives, boosting confidence, or alleviating stress, let’s not forget the relationships that have developed. And just how easy they were formed. ​

What’s it like to hit the highway for Stevie Ray’s? Come along! Just bring your own snacks…

February 21, 2015

1:30 p.m. – Meet Carl Olson, Caroline Hitt, Nate Weingarden and Music Director William “The Tiger” Pierce at the CDT to carpool to Sioux Falls. Carl picks the short straw and has to ride with me.

2:30 p.m. – Lunch at a small town Taco Bell. Carl finds the only working phone booth left in North America. Cell phones go wild with photos and Facebook posts.

5:45 p.m  – Arrive in Sioux Falls. Hotel is crawling with the Butler Equipment personnel we’ll be performing for later tonight. One asks what I’m doing in town. I say I’m a covert spy and can’t divulge my activities. He spills his beer on my shoes. Pours it, actually.

6:30 p.m.  – Meet backstage at a cavernous ballroom the size of a multi-jet plane hangar. We enjoy the best part of any road trip – backstage food courtesy of our client. We light up Facebook again with pics of ourselves. And beef. Lovely, juicy beef.

8 p.m. (or so) – Showtime! In front of 1,300 Butler Equipment sales people, mechanics and spouses. 

8:30 p.m. – Notice table of cowboys with arms folded and legs crossed, in apparent defiance of our entertainment. Instead, they turn out to be the most enthusiastic participants and laughers of the night. So much for the revealing aspects of body language.

8:45 p.m.  – The CEO’s big moment. We call him onstage at the early behest of the woman who planned the party. He is nowhere to be found. Note to self: planning improv can only go so far.

9 p.m. – Show over. A successful outing.  The audience loved the performance.  We delivered the laughs, Caroline and Nate have had their first professional improv show in front of what may be the largest audience of their lives, and tomorrow, we’re back on the road home. 

Hope I can get my shoes cleaned. 

How long do you have to make a first impression?  30 seconds?  7 seconds? 

Neuroscientists have recently discovered that you have 5 MILLISECONDS to make a first impression.  What does that mean?  You don’t even have time to speak, and people already have an impression of you. 

We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t judge a book by its cover” but that is essentially what we all do every day.  It’s what neuroscientists refer to as the “Approach-Withdraw Response.”  It’s that feeling you get in your gut about someone or something.  How many of us have met someone and thought, “I’m not sure what I think about this person.  I’m not sure I trust them,” but you dated them anyway? 

We decide whether to approach or withdraw based on our initial reaction to the person.  If we have an immediate positive reaction to someone, we find it very easy to trust, engage, and cooperate with that person.  If we have an immediate negative response to someone, we withdraw.  We will distrust and disengage.  That’s how people end up staying with the same insurance agent even if his/her prices are higher than other companies.  We simply like them. 

In the human brain, the visual cortex developed earlier and is much larger than the auditory cortex.  So what we see outweighs what we hear.  So people can talk and talk and talk, but we still believe what we see.  So if you carry yourself with confidence and a smile, that will speak much louder than what you actually say.  The brain remembers very little of what it hears and remembers more of what it feels. 

And that, my friends, is how politicians get elected.  

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