Improvising Business

by

Stevie Ray

How to Trim an Alpaca's Tooth

I have some old friends, Dave and Joan, who live in Northern Minnesota. For years they have raised sheep and goats because, hey, they live in Northern Minnesota. What else do you do there? On a recent visit they were excited to show off the newest member of the flock, an alpaca. If you are unfamiliar, an alpaca looks like a small llama. Alpaca wool would add a unique offering to the sheep wool they sold from their farm. There was only one problem. The rancher who sold them the alpaca had not taken great care of the animal. Apparently, alpacas do not have upper teeth. They have lower teeth that constantly grow throughout the animal's lifetime. The lower teeth grind against a very hard upper palate, which keeps them at the proper length for eating, biting, and whistling at pretty female alpacas.

This particular alpaca's lower teeth had, at one point, shifted. The two front teeth lost contact with the hard upper palate, so they kept growing and growing. By the time my friends got the animal, the two front teeth were so long they looked like a horn growing out of the animal's mouth. The teeth curved from the lower jaw all the way to the alpaca's forehead. The alpaca was able to eat, with some difficulty, by biting off grass and hay with the side of its mouth and chewing with its molars. This of course, wasn't ideal, and made for an uncomfortable animal (not to mention all the other animals not letting him play in any alpaca games).

They chose the weekend of my visit to try to fix the problem. I was glad for this because I was afraid we were just going to sit around and, you know, talk. The big question was, how do you trim an alpaca's teeth? I forgot my Camelid Dentistry book at home, which was a good thing because I didn't need the embarrassment of having to admit I didn't know if their alpaca was a Suri or Huacaya breed.

We did what all modern humans do in situations of crisis, turn to YouTube. A search for Trimming Alpaca Teeth actually turned up three, count 'em, three videos on the subject. One video showed an Australian alpaca rancher using a device specifically manufactured for trimming alpaca's teeth. Apparently, alpaca tooth misalignment wasn't that rare. (A common result of domesticating animals is that they lose the ability to live without ongoing intervention, which is why my dog will eat Jell-O Pudding unless instructed otherwise.)

After viewing the video a few times, we called area Home Depot and Lowe's stores to see if they carried the alpaca tooth trimmer. It became a game to see how long the silence was from the time of our request to them hanging up on us. Stuck with no access to the proper equipment, Dave and Joan took another look at the video. Dave said, "You know, that trimmer looks like nothing more than a Dremel tool." (A DremelTM tool looks like a handheld dentist's drill and can "cut through anything." If you don't have one in your home, seriously think about getting one. I have built an entire treehouse using nothing but a Dremel.)

Being good farmer/ranchers, Dave and Joan had a Dremel in the shop right next to the sickles and chaff cutters. The next thing you know we have the alpaca laying on its stomach, I am sprawled across its back haunches to keep it steady, Dave is sitting on its shoulders so he can hold its mouth open, and Joan is holding a small hose to provide a stream of cold water so the teeth won't overheat. The alpaca was actually quite calm as Dave sawed off and trimmed the two offending teeth. I was less calm; partly because the process created that unmistakable smell you get when the dentist drills a cavity, and partly because I was lying across the haunches of a 180 pound animal that was getting its teeth ground.

Within a few minutes the job was done and the alpaca bounded happily toward the feeding trough. At least, I assume it was happy. It's hard to see an alpaca smile through all that wool. What is the lesson in all of this? One: finding a video on trimming an alpaca's tooth gives me the confidence to claim that YouTube does indeed have a video for everything. If there is something you don't know how to do and you haven't checked YouTube, you have no excuses. The second lesson came from Dave and Joan. If you don't have the tool someone else tells you that you need, go make one.

Stevie Ray is a nationally recognized corporate speaker and trainer, helping companies improve communication skills, customer service, leadership, and team management.  He can be reached at www.stevierays.org or stevie@stevierays.org.

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